Definitely Frontin'

I've always been a humble person. I don't often "toot my own horn", and when I do run around proclaiming how awesome I am, I am most Definitely Frontin'.  (Click here for a dance break...) One time I was at the mall with my sister and she was waving at strangers. And I was like, "what are you doing?" And she was like, "Fake it til you make it. I'm gonna be famous one day." She was in her teens. She is pretty popular these days...

I'm the most introverted person I know. I want to be invited places, but I don't actually want to go. I don't want to be around people, but I get super lonely. I would rather text you than call you. You know, I'm that girl. Every now and then I like to dress up, but then I wonder if I actually look good, and am I too skinny for this dress, and did my makeup sufficiently cover up my zits, and all that. 

But for public purposes that are absolutely necessary (you know I taught for about 5 years), I started using that "fake it til you make it" mentality. You would never know that I was a depressed introvert by the way I would walk into a room; smiling, back straight, side glance (left), side glace (right), shoulder shrug, "HEY GUUURL!" Frontin'. 

Why do I do that?

Well I found this article awhile ago, and the first thing on the list was FRONTIN'!! There's 10 other listed habits, and I think that a lot of these rang true for me. Thought I would share with you, in case you are one of those people that be Definitely Frontin' too... According to the article in Huffington Post, (linked above), there's 11 habits in which depressed people partake.

1. They may intentionally make efforts to appear OK and maybe even seem exponentially happy and upbeat. (ie. Frontin')

For me this is very true. I grew up as the peacekeeper in my family since people were always at odds with eachother. I learned how to smile even though things were really bad, and nobody seemed to suspect anything. 

2. They may have habitual remedies.

Mine is shopping. And since I can shop online, it's even worse (better?). I mean, now I don't have to see people! (The introvert in me just cheered.)

3. They may have trouble with abandonment. 

The few people that I have decided I NEED, I actually need them. I have no idea what I would do without them, and I mean that quite literally.

4. They can be pros at “cover-up” stories.

I'm fine, thanks!

5. They may have abnormal sleeping and eating habits.

My sleeping habits suck big time. I fall asleep at 7pm, wake up at 3am, eat at 4am, stay up til 5am, wonder why I did that at 6am... Hollar if you Hear Me... and of course you know about my poor relationship with food if you've read "Definately Skinny". If not, go back and take a look.

6. They may understand substances differently.

Well, I know a lot about this because I happen to be a nurse. But, I do understand how substances affect my depression. I know that if I drink coffee and rootbeer, I'm just a hyper depressed person. Which leads me to being anxious. And if I drink a margarita, I'm a sleepy depressed person, which just adds to my terrible sleeping patterns. Neither change the fact that I am depressed. 

7. They may exhibit a very involved perception of life and death.

I see death as a passage from one world to another. Whether you believe in God or not doesn't matter. I look at the soul as energy, and once the body gets tired, that energy just keeps on going. And it gets deeper than that, but I won't bog you down right now.

8. They are often uniquely talented and expressive.

I'm not sure if I'm talented. I've been called expressive, and I'm good at a lot of things. But isn't that kinda true for everyone?

9. They are often searching for a purpose.

Yep. That's why I'm here. I thought for a long time that nursing was my calling, and that my calling was  my purpose. Lately I don't think so. I also wonder if anyone EVER finds their purpose. I know that many people of religious faith claim that their purpose on earth is to serve their creator. And of course I want to make sure that whatever I do is what I was put here to do. I mean, what is that though? And how does one know that? (Y'all thought I had it all together didn't you?)

10. They at some times will release subtle cries for help.

...yeah...

11. They seek love and acceptance, as every person does. 

Also true. Who doesn't want to be loved and accepted, right? That's why I front like I'm dope, when really I just wish that I was... - ND